Thank you for reminding me of my late friend Roy Lehrer - the anniversary of
his death is approaching. He was a retired Marine who loved to tinker with
computers. It's a shame his life was cut short. He knew more about computers
and Windows than you ever will.

--
Diane Poremsky [MVP - Outlook]
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"D. Spencer Hines" wrote in message
...
Ms. Poremsky is so proud of this piece of idle gibberish she posts it on
her
own website at:

http://www.poremsky.com/p/silence_of_the_gurus.htm

Hilarious!

Hoist with her own petar.

DSH
Lux et Veritas et Libertas
Vires et Honor

--------------------Cordon Sanitaire----------------------------------

THE SILENCE OF THE GURUS

Starring...

Jodie Foster as Special Agent Diane Poremsky, FBI

Anthony Hopkins as Roy "Hannibal" Lehrer

"Whereof we cannot speak, thereof we must remain silent" - Ludwig
Wittgenstein
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act I, Scene 1. [A maximum security prison cell block]

DP: Dr. Lehrer, my name is Diane Poremsky. I'm with the FBI Behavioral
Science Unit. May I talk with you?

HL: Certainly, my dear. What would you like to know?

DP: Actually, I've put some questions in the form of an Access database
embedded in a Word 2K file. If you'll just fill in the blanks it will
automatically send itself as an attachment to my Washington office.

HL: So you think you can figure me out...you think I'm some kind of
cross-linked file you can fix with your Scandisk and your Norton Disk
Doctor, is that it Agent Poremsky?

DP: It's just a simple questionnaire.

HL: Someone once sent me a questionnaire in e-mail. I ate his liver with
some fava beans and a nice Chianti...he sent me no attachments after that.

DP: I've read about that case. They call it...

HL: The Silence of the Spammers.

DP: So you admit that you're a serial killer?

HL: Why should I kill serially when it's so much more efficient to kill in
parallel? So many more bites per second you know.

DP: About the questionnaire...

HL: Poremsky, is that Russian, or perhaps Polish?

DP: Well, in fact...

HL: I ate a Polish ham once. His call sign was SP9EIJ. I baked his
shoulder
with a honey mustard sauce and a couple of russet potatoes...

DP: I believe I have a file on that...

HL: The Silence of the Hams.

DP: Dr. Lehrer, is that a computer in your cell?

HL: Do you like it? I carved the motherboard myself from a prison bed
frame.

DP: Have you always built your own computers?

HL: Well, I did buy a Dell once. They sent a nice young man out to fix it.
I
told him not to put his hand near the power supply.

DP: He wasn't grounded?

HL: He wasn't grounded but he was ground. I ate his pancreas with special
sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun.

DP: And the computer?

HL: It smelled like burnt toast for a week. And it kept failing the system
memory check.

DP: Oh, no, not...

HL: Yes, Diane...

DP: Please don't say it...

HL: The Silence of the RAM.

DP: sigh. Well, Dr. Lehrer, I can see that you are in no mood to
cooperate. Perhaps we'll continue this interview another time.

HL: Au revoir Diane. See you on the Internet.

by Jim Fadden who's going to be on review _forever_

Posted to Windows 98 Give-And-Take List on June 30, 2000