Subject: Computer skills


This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any,
you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

=================================
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celina. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my
desk... sorry....


===============


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


===============


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates.


===============


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


===============


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


===============


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


===============


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer:! OK
Tech support; Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


===============


Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


== =============


Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


===============


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


===============


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


===============


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?


===============


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is
working fine."


===============


And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Haha that certainly made me smile!
The last one though, surely that can't be true!!

--
\m/ O_O \m/
Laura.....
Liverpool, England

"x@y" wrote in message
...
Subject: Computer skills


This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip
any,
you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

=================================
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celina. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
on my
desk... sorry....


===============


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


===============


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
Bill
Gates.


===============


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


===============


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


===============


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


===============


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer:! OK
Tech support; Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


===============


Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a
capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


== =============


Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


===============


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


===============


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on
my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


===============


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
the
circle around it?


===============


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer
is
working fine."


===============


And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

On Fri, 30 Jun 2006 13:59:29 +0100, Laura ( '_' ) wrote:

Haha that certainly made me smile!
The last one though, surely that can't be true!!

When I was a repair tech at Hewlett-Packard, I was talking with one of
the lady techs on my line. Her boyfriend also worked for HP, as a field
repair engineer. She told me what happened to him one time:

A customer was losing data on a 5 1/4" floppy. It happened regularly,
every weekend. The floppy drive was one of the stand alone models, an HP
9125S, I believe. Not much to it. Case. Power supply. Controller board.
Disk drive. He wound up replacing everything except the case, but the
problem persisted. So he requested to watch the customer go through the
weekend shut down routine. The customer shut down the computer, printer,
monitor, and disk drive. Then popped the 5 1/4" floppy out of the
drive...







....and pinned it to the metal file cabinet with a magnet!

--
Norman
~Oh Lord, why have you come
~To Konnyu, with the Lion and the Drum

I didn't get it until I saw the bottom. G

steve

"N. Miller" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 30 Jun 2006 13:59:29 +0100, Laura ( '_' ) wrote:

Haha that certainly made me smile!
The last one though, surely that can't be true!!

When I was a repair tech at Hewlett-Packard, I was talking with one of
the lady techs on my line. Her boyfriend also worked for HP, as a field
repair engineer. She told me what happened to him one time:

A customer was losing data on a 5 1/4" floppy. It happened regularly,
every weekend. The floppy drive was one of the stand alone models, an HP
9125S, I believe. Not much to it. Case. Power supply. Controller board.
Disk drive. He wound up replacing everything except the case, but the
problem persisted. So he requested to watch the customer go through the
weekend shut down routine. The customer shut down the computer, printer,
monitor, and disk drive. Then popped the 5 1/4" floppy out of the
drive...







...and pinned it to the metal file cabinet with a magnet!

--
Norman
~Oh Lord, why have you come
~To Konnyu, with the Lion and the Drum