World's funniest joke
__________________________________________________ ___________________


The world's funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of
Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his
experiment, he created a website where people could submit and rate over 10,000
jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the
widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and
countries.

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure
he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff
Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a
bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen
our tent!"

The study documented regional differences in humour, as well as variations
between the sexes. Men preferred more aggressive jokes, as well as sexual
innuendo, while women preferred word play. Wiseman points out that this is the
joke that the most people found reasonably funny, and that it would be
unreasonable to expect any joke to be universally judged superior to all others.

The aim of the research was to shed some light on how the brain works.

The experiment was conducted in Britain, where researchers solicited people
around the world to contribute jokes as well as judge them. At the conclusion of
the experiment, the scientists had evaluated over 40,000 submitted jokes and
tallied nearly 2 million votes.



Top jokes in different countries
________________________________________________

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest
baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The
man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your
monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well known
humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In January
2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the column he
urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping' jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the funniest
joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the
Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones' platoon? They
seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There seems to be a
weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of
the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung
out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I
can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up
any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down
again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the
soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was
deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up,
smiled and said: "That's it."



Reprinted With Permission From Wikipedia.org

"x@y" Wrote: Nothing of significance.

Just curious, X@Y ,

You have been posting legitimate questions here for some time, and have also
had some good replies to posts every now and then. Why then all of a sudden,
these two *extremely* OT posts in four days? It just doesn't seem like you
to go to this level.
--
Bruce Hagen
MS MVP - Outlook Express
~IB-CA~


"x@y" wrote in message
...
World's funniest joke
__________________________________________________ ___________________


The world's funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the
University of
Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For
his
experiment, he created a website where people could submit and rate over
10,000
jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the
widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and
countries.

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls
to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in
his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency
services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's
make sure
he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice
comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by
Geoff
Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner
and a
bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson,
look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is
in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small
and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has
stolen
our tent!"

The study documented regional differences in humour, as well as variations
between the sexes. Men preferred more aggressive jokes, as well as sexual
innuendo, while women preferred word play. Wiseman points out that this is
the
joke that the most people found reasonably funny, and that it would be
unreasonable to expect any joke to be universally judged superior to all
others.

The aim of the research was to shed some light on how the brain works.

The experiment was conducted in Britain, where researchers solicited
people
around the world to contribute jokes as well as judge them. At the
conclusion of
the experiment, the scientists had evaluated over 40,000 submitted jokes
and
tallied nearly 2 million votes.



Top jokes in different countries
________________________________________________

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest
baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and
sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted
me!" The
man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold
your
monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well
known
humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In
January
2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the
column he
urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping' jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest
joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked
the
Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones' platoon?
They
seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There seems
to be a
weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of
the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf
cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is
the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind
man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in
zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass
and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a
pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung
out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this
morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up,
my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I
had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I
can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would
pick up
any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it
down
again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the
soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the
soldier was
deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it
up,
smiled and said: "That's it."



Reprinted With Permission From Wikipedia.org

Hello Bruce,

This very helpful Newsgroup, I thought some readers
may enjoy some clean humor. I share some of the Jokes
I receive as email with another couple of NG's.

I think that reading a few Jokes will relieve some stress
from us, therefore keeping us a little healthier.

I fully understand that not everyone likes Humor.
I did not forget Your Help and advice in the past,
I have a couple of questions on OE6, for
later. If You think it is not appropriate to post clean humor
occasionally on this NG., I have no problem with that,
I will respect the guidelines.

Best Regards, x@y

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bruce Hagen" wrote in message ..
"x@y" Wrote: Nothing of significance.

Just curious, X@Y ,

You have been posting legitimate questions here for some time, and have also
had some good replies to posts every now and then. Why then all of a sudden,
these two *extremely* OT posts in four days? It just doesn't seem like you
to go to this level.
--
Bruce Hagen
MS MVP - Outlook Express
~IB-CA~


"x@y" wrote in message
...
World's funniest joke
__________________________________________________ ___________________


The world's funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the
University of
Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For
his
experiment, he created a website where people could submit and rate over
10,000
jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the
widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and
countries.

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls
to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in
his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency
services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's
make sure
he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice
comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by
Geoff
Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner
and a
bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson,
look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is
in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small
and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has
stolen
our tent!"

The study documented regional differences in humour, as well as variations
between the sexes. Men preferred more aggressive jokes, as well as sexual
innuendo, while women preferred word play. Wiseman points out that this is
the
joke that the most people found reasonably funny, and that it would be
unreasonable to expect any joke to be universally judged superior to all
others.

The aim of the research was to shed some light on how the brain works.

The experiment was conducted in Britain, where researchers solicited
people
around the world to contribute jokes as well as judge them. At the
conclusion of
the experiment, the scientists had evaluated over 40,000 submitted jokes
and
tallied nearly 2 million votes.



Top jokes in different countries
________________________________________________

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest
baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and
sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted
me!" The
man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold
your
monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well
known
humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In
January
2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the
column he
urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping' jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest
joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked
the
Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones' platoon?
They
seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There seems
to be a
weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of
the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf
cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is
the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind
man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in
zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass
and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a
pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung
out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this
morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up,
my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I
had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I
can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would
pick up
any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it
down
again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the
soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the
soldier was
deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it
up,
smiled and said: "That's it."



Reprinted With Permission From Wikipedia.org

Well, we don't want to turn this into a joke NG (even though some thing OE
is a joke G), but I wasn't complaining.

steve

"x@y" wrote in message
...
Hello Bruce,

This very helpful Newsgroup, I thought some readers may enjoy some clean
humor. I share some of the Jokes
I receive as email with another couple of NG's.

I think that reading a few Jokes will relieve some stress
from us, therefore keeping us a little healthier.
I fully understand that not everyone likes Humor.
I did not forget Your Help and advice in the past,
I have a couple of questions on OE6, for later. If You think it is not
appropriate to post clean humor
occasionally on this NG., I have no problem with that, I will respect the
guidelines.

Best Regards, x@y

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bruce Hagen" wrote in message ..
"x@y" Wrote: Nothing of significance.

Just curious, X@Y ,

You have been posting legitimate questions here for some time, and have
also had some good replies to posts every now and then. Why then all of a
sudden, these two *extremely* OT posts in four days? It just doesn't seem
like you to go to this level.
--
Bruce Hagen
MS MVP - Outlook Express
~IB-CA~


"x@y" wrote in message
...
World's funniest joke
__________________________________________________ ___________________


The world's funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the
University of
Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research.
For his
experiment, he created a website where people could submit and rate over
10,000
jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had
the
widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics
and
countries.

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them
falls to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in
his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency
services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's
make sure
he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice
comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by
Geoff
Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner
and a
bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn
is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter
past
three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a
small and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone
has stolen
our tent!"

The study documented regional differences in humour, as well as
variations
between the sexes. Men preferred more aggressive jokes, as well as
sexual
innuendo, while women preferred word play. Wiseman points out that this
is the
joke that the most people found reasonably funny, and that it would be
unreasonable to expect any joke to be universally judged superior to all
others.

The aim of the research was to shed some light on how the brain works.

The experiment was conducted in Britain, where researchers solicited
people
around the world to contribute jokes as well as judge them. At the
conclusion of
the experiment, the scientists had evaluated over 40,000 submitted jokes
and
tallied nearly 2 million votes.



Top jokes in different countries
________________________________________________

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest
baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus
and sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted
me!" The
man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold
your
monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well
known
humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In
January
2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the
column he
urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping'
jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest
joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked
the
Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones'
platoon? They
seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There seems
to be a
weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of
the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his
golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is
the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a
kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem,
NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes
in zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass
and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a
pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung
out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this
morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up,
my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and
I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I
can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would
pick up
any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it
down
again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have
the
soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the
soldier was
deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked
it up,
smiled and said: "That's it."



Reprinted With Permission From Wikipedia.org

booooooooo Bruce :P
I like hearing these jokes! Keep them coming!!

--
\m/ O_O \m/
Laura.....
Liverpool, England

"Steve Cochran" wrote in message
...
Well, we don't want to turn this into a joke NG (even though some thing OE
is a joke G), but I wasn't complaining.

steve

"x@y" wrote in message
...
Hello Bruce,

This very helpful Newsgroup, I thought some readers may enjoy some
clean
humor. I share some of the Jokes
I receive as email with another couple of NG's.

I think that reading a few Jokes will relieve some stress
from us, therefore keeping us a little healthier.
I fully understand that not everyone likes Humor.
I did not forget Your Help and advice in the past,
I have a couple of questions on OE6, for later. If You think it is not
appropriate to post clean humor
occasionally on this NG., I have no problem with that, I will respect
the
guidelines.

Best Regards, x@y

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bruce Hagen" wrote in message ..
"x@y" Wrote: Nothing of significance.

Just curious, X@Y ,

You have been posting legitimate questions here for some time, and have
also had some good replies to posts every now and then. Why then all of
a
sudden, these two *extremely* OT posts in four days? It just doesn't
seem
like you to go to this level.
--
Bruce Hagen
MS MVP - Outlook Express
~IB-CA~


"x@y" wrote in message
...
World's funniest joke
__________________________________________________ ___________________


The world's funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the
University of
Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research.
For his
experiment, he created a website where people could submit and rate
over
10,000
jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had
the
widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics
and
countries.

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them
falls to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back
in
his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency
services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's
make sure
he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice
comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by
Geoff
Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good
dinner
and a
bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn
is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter
past
three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a
small and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone
has stolen
our tent!"

The study documented regional differences in humour, as well as
variations
between the sexes. Men preferred more aggressive jokes, as well as
sexual
innuendo, while women preferred word play. Wiseman points out that
this
is the
joke that the most people found reasonably funny, and that it would be
unreasonable to expect any joke to be universally judged superior to
all
others.

The aim of the research was to shed some light on how the brain works.

The experiment was conducted in Britain, where researchers solicited
people
around the world to contribute jokes as well as judge them. At the
conclusion of
the experiment, the scientists had evaluated over 40,000 submitted
jokes
and
tallied nearly 2 million votes.



Top jokes in different countries
________________________________________________

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest
baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus
and sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted
me!" The
man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll
hold
your
monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well
known
humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In
January
2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the
column he
urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping'
jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest
joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and
asked
the
Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones'
platoon? They
seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There
seems
to be a
weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf
course.
One of
the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his
golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that
is
the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a
kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem,
NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes
in zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including
glass
and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a
pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung
out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this
morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled
up,
my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out,
and
I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I
can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier
would
pick up
any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it
down
again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have
the
soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the
soldier was
deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier
picked
it up,
smiled and said: "That's it."



Reprinted With Permission From Wikipedia.org

Hello Steve,

After I read the feedback to my Joke's Post, I realized
that this not the ideal NG to post Humor, and I should
have asked before posting.
Sorry Group,

Thanks for Your reply, x@y

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Steve Cochran" wrote in message
..
Well, we don't want to turn this into a joke NG (even though some thing OE
is a joke G), but I wasn't complaining.

steve

"x@y" wrote in message
...
Hello Bruce,

This very helpful Newsgroup, I thought some readers may enjoy some clean
humor. I share some of the Jokes
I receive as email with another couple of NG's.

I think that reading a few Jokes will relieve some stress
from us, therefore keeping us a little healthier.
I fully understand that not everyone likes Humor.
I did not forget Your Help and advice in the past,
I have a couple of questions on OE6, for later. If You think it is not
appropriate to post clean humor
occasionally on this NG., I have no problem with that, I will respect the
guidelines.

Best Regards, x@y

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bruce Hagen" wrote in message ..
"x@y" Wrote: Nothing of significance.

Just curious, X@Y ,

You have been posting legitimate questions here for some time, and have
also had some good replies to posts every now and then. Why then all of a
sudden, these two *extremely* OT posts in four days? It just doesn't seem
like you to go to this level.
--
Bruce Hagen
MS MVP - Outlook Express
~IB-CA~


"x@y" wrote in message
...
World's funniest joke
__________________________________________________ ___________________


The world's funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the
University of
Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research.
For his
experiment, he created a website where people could submit and rate over
10,000
jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had
the
widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics
and
countries.

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them
falls to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in
his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency
services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's
make sure
he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice
comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by
Geoff
Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner
and a
bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn
is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter
past
three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a
small and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone
has stolen
our tent!"

The study documented regional differences in humour, as well as
variations
between the sexes. Men preferred more aggressive jokes, as well as
sexual
innuendo, while women preferred word play. Wiseman points out that this
is the
joke that the most people found reasonably funny, and that it would be
unreasonable to expect any joke to be universally judged superior to all
others.

The aim of the research was to shed some light on how the brain works.

The experiment was conducted in Britain, where researchers solicited
people
around the world to contribute jokes as well as judge them. At the
conclusion of
the experiment, the scientists had evaluated over 40,000 submitted jokes
and
tallied nearly 2 million votes.



Top jokes in different countries
________________________________________________

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest
baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus
and sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted
me!" The
man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold
your
monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well
known
humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In
January
2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the
column he
urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping'
jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest
joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked
the
Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones'
platoon? They
seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There seems
to be a
weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of
the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his
golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is
the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a
kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem,
NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes
in zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass
and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a
pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung
out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this
morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up,
my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and
I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I
can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would
pick up
any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it
down
again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have
the
soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the
soldier was
deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked
it up,
smiled and said: "That's it."



Reprinted With Permission From Wikipedia.org

Hello Laura,

We have something in common, we both enjoy some
Humor, just realized this is not the appropriate NG.,
to post jokes. When I receive more Jokes,
I will post them for You, on 24h/hdesk. NG.

Thank You for Your reply, x@y (:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Laura ( '_' )" wrote in message

booooooooo Bruce :P
I like hearing these jokes! Keep them coming!!

--
\m/ O_O \m/
Laura.....
Liverpool, England

"Steve Cochran" wrote in message
...
Well, we don't want to turn this into a joke NG (even though some thing OE
is a joke G), but I wasn't complaining.

steve

"x@y" wrote in message
...
Hello Bruce,

This very helpful Newsgroup, I thought some readers may enjoy some
clean
humor. I share some of the Jokes
I receive as email with another couple of NG's.

I think that reading a few Jokes will relieve some stress
from us, therefore keeping us a little healthier.
I fully understand that not everyone likes Humor.
I did not forget Your Help and advice in the past,
I have a couple of questions on OE6, for later. If You think it is not
appropriate to post clean humor
occasionally on this NG., I have no problem with that, I will respect
the
guidelines.

Best Regards, x@y

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bruce Hagen" wrote in message ..
"x@y" Wrote: Nothing of significance.

Just curious, X@Y ,

You have been posting legitimate questions here for some time, and have
also had some good replies to posts every now and then. Why then all of
a
sudden, these two *extremely* OT posts in four days? It just doesn't
seem
like you to go to this level.
--
Bruce Hagen
MS MVP - Outlook Express
~IB-CA~


"x@y" wrote in message
...
World's funniest joke
__________________________________________________ ___________________


The world's funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the
University of
Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research.
For his
experiment, he created a website where people could submit and rate
over
10,000
jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had
the
widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics
and
countries.

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them
falls to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back
in
his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency
services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's
make sure
he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice
comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by
Geoff
Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good
dinner
and a
bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn
is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter
past
three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a
small and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone
has stolen
our tent!"

The study documented regional differences in humour, as well as
variations
between the sexes. Men preferred more aggressive jokes, as well as
sexual
innuendo, while women preferred word play. Wiseman points out that
this
is the
joke that the most people found reasonably funny, and that it would be
unreasonable to expect any joke to be universally judged superior to
all
others.

The aim of the research was to shed some light on how the brain works.

The experiment was conducted in Britain, where researchers solicited
people
around the world to contribute jokes as well as judge them. At the
conclusion of
the experiment, the scientists had evaluated over 40,000 submitted
jokes
and
tallied nearly 2 million votes.



Top jokes in different countries
________________________________________________

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest
baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus
and sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted
me!" The
man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll
hold
your
monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well
known
humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In
January
2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the
column he
urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping'
jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest
joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and
asked
the
Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones'
platoon? They
seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There
seems
to be a
weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf
course.
One of
the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his
golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that
is
the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a
kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem,
NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes
in zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including
glass
and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a
pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung
out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this
morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled
up,
my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out,
and
I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I
can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier
would
pick up
any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it
down
again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have
the
soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the
soldier was
deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier
picked
it up,
smiled and said: "That's it."



Reprinted With Permission From Wikipedia.org

On Mon, 3 Jul 2006 23:50:19 -0500, x@y wrote:

After I read the feedback to my Joke's Post, I realized
that this not the ideal NG to post Humor, and I should
have asked before posting.
Sorry Group,

I suppose you _could_ post them to 'microsoft.help'. On another NNTP
service I frequent, they tolerate a modest amount of OT discussion there
because, unlike the main groups, messages in the 'help' group do expire.

--
Norman
~Oh Lord, why have you come
~To Konnyu, with the Lion and the Drum

Such is also tolerated here. I didn't complain.

steve

"N. Miller" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 3 Jul 2006 23:50:19 -0500, x@y wrote:

After I read the feedback to my Joke's Post, I realized
that this not the ideal NG to post Humor, and I should
have asked before posting.
Sorry Group,

I suppose you _could_ post them to 'microsoft.help'. On another NNTP
service I frequent, they tolerate a modest amount of OT discussion there
because, unlike the main groups, messages in the 'help' group do expire.

--
Norman
~Oh Lord, why have you come
~To Konnyu, with the Lion and the Drum

ooooh thankyou x@y, but what is 24h/hdesk. NG???


--
\m/ O_O \m/
Laura.....
Liverpool, England

"x@y" wrote in message
...
Hello Laura,

We have something in common, we both enjoy some
Humor, just realized this is not the appropriate NG.,
to post jokes. When I receive more Jokes,
I will post them for You, on 24h/hdesk. NG.

Thank You for Your reply, x@y (:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Laura ( '_' )" wrote in message

booooooooo Bruce :P
I like hearing these jokes! Keep them coming!!

--
\m/ O_O \m/
Laura.....
Liverpool, England

"Steve Cochran" wrote in message
...
Well, we don't want to turn this into a joke NG (even though some thing
OE
is a joke G), but I wasn't complaining.

steve

"x@y" wrote in message
...
Hello Bruce,

This very helpful Newsgroup, I thought some readers may enjoy some
clean
humor. I share some of the Jokes
I receive as email with another couple of NG's.

I think that reading a few Jokes will relieve some stress
from us, therefore keeping us a little healthier.
I fully understand that not everyone likes Humor.
I did not forget Your Help and advice in the past,
I have a couple of questions on OE6, for later. If You think it is
not
appropriate to post clean humor
occasionally on this NG., I have no problem with that, I will
respect
the
guidelines.

Best Regards, x@y

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bruce Hagen" wrote in message ..
"x@y" Wrote: Nothing of significance.

Just curious, X@Y ,

You have been posting legitimate questions here for some time, and
have
also had some good replies to posts every now and then. Why then all
of
a
sudden, these two *extremely* OT posts in four days? It just doesn't
seem
like you to go to this level.
--
Bruce Hagen
MS MVP - Outlook Express
~IB-CA~


"x@y" wrote in message
...
World's funniest joke

__________________________________________________ ___________________


The world's funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the
University of
Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his
research.
For his
experiment, he created a website where people could submit and rate
over
10,000
jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that
had
the
widest appeal and understanding among different cultures,
demographics
and
countries.

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of
them
falls to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled
back
in
his
head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the
emergency
services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The
operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First,
let's
make sure
he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's
voice
comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted
by
Geoff
Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good
dinner
and a
bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies
and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that
Saturn
is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a
quarter
past
three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful
day
tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are
a
small and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says.
"Someone
has stolen
our tent!"

The study documented regional differences in humour, as well as
variations
between the sexes. Men preferred more aggressive jokes, as well as
sexual
innuendo, while women preferred word play. Wiseman points out that
this
is the
joke that the most people found reasonably funny, and that it would
be
unreasonable to expect any joke to be universally judged superior
to
all
others.

The aim of the research was to shed some light on how the brain
works.

The experiment was conducted in Britain, where researchers
solicited
people
around the world to contribute jokes as well as judge them. At the
conclusion of
the experiment, the scientists had evaluated over 40,000 submitted
jokes
and
tallied nearly 2 million votes.



Top jokes in different countries
________________________________________________

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's
the
ugliest
baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the
bus
and sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just
insulted
me!" The
man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll
hold
your
monkey for you."

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a
well
known
humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers.
In
January
2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of
the
column he
urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch
line:
'There's a weasel chomping on my privates.'

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 'weasel chomping'
jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the
funniest
joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and
asked
the
Major: "Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones'
platoon? They
seem to be all twitching and jumping about."
"Well sir," says Major Barry after a moment of observation. "There
seems
to be a
weasel chomping on his privates."

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf
course.
One of
the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long
funeral
procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off
his
golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow,
that
is
the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are
a
kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly
discovered
that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the
problem,
NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that
writes
in zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including
glass
and at
temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians
used a
pencil.

Top joke in Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and
all
strung
out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up
this
morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and
frazzled
up,
my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out,
and
I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly
says:
"Well, I
can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top joke in Belgium

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

Top joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier
would
pick up
any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put
it
down
again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to
have
the
soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the
soldier was
deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier
picked
it up,
smiled and said: "That's it."



Reprinted With Permission From Wikipedia.org